Am I Making the Right Choices?


Being a parent doesn’t get easier over time. Every day there are decisions to make and sometimes I make the wrong choice.

The other day DS1 didn’t sleep well. He didn’t have fever, but didn’t feel 100%. I didn’t know what to do. If I sent him to school he could get worse. If I kept him home he could’ve been fine.

Adding to the stress was the in-person meeting I had scheduled for that day and the fact that I had already worked from home on Monday and Wednesday. It was Thursday and I definitely wasn’t going into the office on a Friday.

So, like parents sometimes do, I made the wrong choice. I was so focused on getting to work and preparing for my meeting that I didn’t pay enough attention to how my son was feeling.

How bad did I feel when I got a call from the nurses office? How much working mom-guilt filled my heart? The only thought that went through my mind at that moment was, “why didn’t I pay more attention to DS1?”

I was in a rush that morning. I was clearly only focused on myself when I shouldn’t have been. But it was too late. The damage was done and I couldn’t go back in time.

B”h DS1 was fine, but I was shaken up. How many times have I put myself before my children? How many times have I expected my kids to “push through” because I had to go to work?

Accept what is

From that moment on I realized that I have to stop and evaluate each situation. I cannot assume that no fever = good to go. I also cannot assume that my children know how to effectively communicate how they really feel.

After the nurse called me I felt so guilty for sending DS to school. I called DH and told him how I had to apologize to DS for making the wrong choice. I then made sure to buy DS a special treat that evening while I was doing my Shabbos shopping. I wanted him to know I love him and he is more important to me than my meeting.

When I got home I apologized to him and explained that sometimes I also make the wrong choice.

This experience was a wake up call for me to start listening and stop putting myself first. But what I also learned from this situation is that I’m only human. I don’t always know what the right choice is. I will make mistakes and feel mom-guilt. And all of this is ok.

So I will continue on. I will spend more time evaluating each situation. I will not react based on my schedule for the day. And I will try do better next time around.

Until next time,

  • ttimes33

    Speaking as a long time mother and KA”H grandmother of many, I’ll tell you what I would tell any of my daughters– you didn’t place your needs ahead of your child, you didn’t make a bad choice, you’re not a bad mommy. You made an executive decision based on all the facts you had at the time. Unless your child was either lying there lethargically or else crying hysterically or telling you in no uncertain terms that he didn’t want to go to school, you had no way to know that later in the day he would be in the nurse’s office. He could have just as easily been fine all day and whatever it was could have blown over completely by the end of the day. It’s not a “bad choice” thing, it’s a “make a decision based on the facts at hand” thing, which is something we do all the time as mothers… and doctors… and teachers… and adults. Nothing to feel guilty about. You could have kept him home and he could have been fine and bored out of his skull. And you think SAHMs never get called by the school nurse???

    • Thanks so much for your encouragement!